Oil Change Instructions (funny!!!)

[dreambig73]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00


Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a be er and drink it.
4) Jack car up, first spending 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil fi lter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

[Ford4x4Chik27]

That's great!

[PickUpGirl787]

haha i almost was going to criticize this until i read the guy part and then i just laughed haha but you know a girl could do that too

[Ford4x4Chik27]

Been there done that.... then we went to the drive in oil change place and they gave us free drinks and snacks while we were there Paid off fer sure hahahaaaa

[mrjohnwayne]

yeah I'd like to know where I can change my oil for 20 bucks!!!!! I'd let them change it then.

[Ford4x4Chik27]

Originally Posted by mrjohnwayne

yeah I'd like to know where I can change my oil for 20 bucks!!!!! I'd let them change it then.

Chevron Quikstop

[mudseeker]

we got jiffy lubes and fast eddies up here, but most of them are pretty well knowen for not changing filters and stripping drain pan threads. they're quick at blaming it on the last service tech too when you confront them. i think they charge 19.95 for 10 minute oil change.

[dreambig73]

Originally Posted by mudseeker

we got jiffy lubes and fast eddies up here, but most of them are pretty well knowen for not changing filters and stripping drain pan threads. they're quick at blaming it on the last service tech too when you confront them. i think they charge 19.95 for 10 minute oil change.

Yeah, i hear ya. I usually try to go someplace that actually has technicians on duty. Some of the smaller shops around here are pretty reasonable. If I didn't live in an apartment I would just do it myself. Last time I went to a Valvoline oil change it was almost $30. This last time I went to Belle Tire for o/c and tire rotation: $31.

[mrjohnwayne]

yeah they aint gonna change no oil in my 7.3 diesel for 20 bucks

[Ford4x4Chik27]

Originally Posted by mrjohnwayne

yeah they aint gonna change no oil in my 7.3 diesel for 20 bucks

Hmm... good point Maybe the labor would cost that, but I know the filter burns