Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by 96silverado, Oct 27, 2013.

  1. 96silverado

    96silverado Full Member

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    #1 96silverado, Oct 27, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2013
    A Harley Biker riding by the zoo in Washington DC sees a
    little girl leaning on the lion's cage is suddenly grabbed by her
    collar as the lion tries to pull her inside to slaughter
    her all under the eyes of her screaming parents.

    The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion
    square on the nose with a powerful punch.
    Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl
    as he brings her to her still terrified parents, who prefusely thank him
    with exhaltation.
    A reporter who witnessed the whole event unfold
    addresses the Harley rider,
    "Sir, this was the most
    gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life."
    The Harley rider: "Why, it was nothing, really, i just saw a
    little kid in danger and acted as I felt right."

    The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed see i'm a
    journalist, and on your behalf, Tomorrow's paper will have this story on the
    front page!... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation
    do you have?'
    The biker replies, "I'm a US Marine and a Republican"
    The journalist promptly leaves.

    The following morning the biker purchases a copy of
    the Washington Post to see if the reporter has kept his word,
    indeed there is the story of his actions reading on the front page:

    "US MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

    That is the way it is here for real media is out of it.
     
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  2. 96silverado

    96silverado Full Member

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    A trucker was sitting in a roadside diner waiting for his meal to come. He was watching an old couple at the next table over and noticed the elderly gent was eating and the old gal wasn't eating anything.

    The trucker said to the couple," Ma'am, I notice you aren't eating, can buy you a meal if it is because of prices and you are on pension."

    The old gal says to the trucker, " Oh, No, My husband and I share everything,the Hubby and me always share a plate of food."

    The trucker asked curiously, " If you always share everything why aren't you eating anything from the plate?"

    She said ...." I'm waiting for the teeth!"
     
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  3. Markharry1

    Markharry1 New Member

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    Nice Joke :) Keep Posting.
     
  4. 96silverado

    96silverado Full Member

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    The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
    Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough.
    Services were held at 3:50 for about 23 minutes~
     
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  5. chevychase

    chevychase Semi-Admin
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    or untill all gone lol lol That is funny 96 love it!!
     
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  6. Sodell

    Sodell Full Member

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  7. MrMarty51

    MrMarty51 Full Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
    Now that I`m done laughing at alla the above, here is a joke.

    The difference between a "Hoover" and a "Harley" ???? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wait for it ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
    ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
    ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; A hoover can pack only one dirt bag at a time. :help: I`m one a um. :rofl:
     
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  8. 96silverado

    96silverado Full Member

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    Ok,Smirk of the day:

    Was at my daughters yesterday.. asked for a newspaper, she said
    "dad get with the times, use my I phone"...
    Well that fly on the window never knew what hit him!..
    Oh..& buying her a new window tommorrow afternoon.
     
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  9. chevychase

    chevychase Semi-Admin
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    How about a new phone did it survive the sling across the room? Tell you what my kids know more about all this keep up with stuff when in 2nd grade.
    My youngest showed me how to link..post pics ect. when she was 6..wow i said you sure helped this old dude out.
    She thought everyone should know how to do these things..then i told her we did not even have computers ..cell phones ect. growing up..should of seen the bewilder look on her face lol
     
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  10. chevychase

    chevychase Semi-Admin
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    Are You A Redneck With A Computer?
    10. The monitor is up on blocks.

    9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

    8. The six front keys have rotted out.

    7. The extra RAM slots have chevy truck parts stored in them.

    6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

    5. The password is "Bubba".

    4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

    3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

    2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.

    And the number #1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on your computer is....

    1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".....
     
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